Tien-Jen

Finding Strength In Your Softness

Feeling the world deeply around you, having high sensitivity and being a gentle soul is one of your greatest strengths. We need more softness in this world, more grace, compassion, forgiveness, and peace. I’ve recently read the book Highly Sensitive People in an Insensitive World by Ilse Sand. Not all highly sensitive people are softspoken, yet there seems to be a connection between sensitivity and gentleness. While we live in a world that may not always accommodate highly sensitive people, there are ways for one to find strength and freedom in embracing your own softness.

Compassion for the little creatures. I find a lot of people who are soft have a deep love for animals. This is one of the greatest strengths to have, because compassion for other living beings is a sign of deep care and connection to the world. It’s a reminder that we are all connected in this world with all living beings, and we share this planet together. Appreciating and respecting the creatures we share this planet with encourages curiosity and kindness. When we try to put ourselves in their shoes, we to try to understand how they might be feeling.

Embracing your weirdness. For a long time, I believed that being soft or having a gentle voice was a flaw. I thought I would be more accepted if I wasn’t so soft, however, personality isn’t permanent. Sometimes you want to laugh loudly and sometimes you want to spend time alone quietly. We are constantly shifting, changing and no one can be fully defined. Your gut will always tell you the truth, and you can always feel when you’re really staying true to yourself or not. Embrace those parts of you that are a bit weird, and embrace the courage to be disliked.

Finding strength in your inner world. A colourful world runs within. It makes me think of a vast lake, where there is a hidden castle ruin deeply below the waters. The water glistens on the surface, and there is a beautiful world below with fishes swimming around, magnificent buildings and intricate sculptures. We all hold strength within ourselves greater than we know. Quiet strength is rooted in unwavering confidence and hope within oneself, acceptance of the things one cannot change and openness to wisdom and learning.

Long walks in nature. Highly sensitive people can experience sensory overload, emotional overwhelm and fatigue from absorbing others emotions. After walking in nature, I always feel a sense of renewed strength. I can face the day with a deeper sense of gratitude, a stronger connection with myself and others, and a greater sense of presence. Being in nature allows us to reflect, take one step at a time and enjoy the small things like listening to birdsong, the sound of the wind and breathing in the fresh air. It helps us to think freely and walk our worries away.

Finding creative expressions. When I feel low, it can sometimes feel like the ocean is crashing down and I feel it so deeply. When I feel content, it can feel pleasant and like the sun warmly shining inside. During intense periods, having a creative outlet, like dancing, writing, running, painting, playing an instrument or cooking can help pour those emotions somewhere safe. Self expression helps you stay present, reflect, reduce overwhelm, and spark new ideas.

Being mindful of others. When your nervous system is sensitive to internal and external stimuli, you notice those subtle moments where someone’s emotions shift, or how they might receive something. That sensitivity and mindfulness is important in building trust and empathy. Picking up details in one’s body language, eyes, tone and moments of hesitation, can help with determining what might be appropriate to say to the person.

Overcoming difficult periods. Be gentle with your heart. We all must overcome difficult things in life. Approaching those moments with softness, being calm and honest with oneself and building quiet resilience is like building a road gradually brick by brick, rather than trying to pave the path in a day and ending up with potholes. Speaking to yourself with gentleness like you would to a child is deeply healing. While we all need a little bit of tough love from time to time, we also need that gentle voice to guide, reassure and nurture us to be strong and grounded within.

Protect your energy. For those with high sensitivity, it’s easy to become drained in certain situations. I’ve experienced periods of feeling run down from work, constant interactions with negative people, and spending time in overstimulating environments. Learning to say no is incredibly powerful. Directing your energy to things that make you feel a sense of peace, rejuvenation and sparks your creativity is so important. Spending time alone allows you to recharge your batteries, and invest your energy in places that truly matter.

Deep meaningful connections. Surround yourself with calm, positive, supportive and uplifting people. Those who embrace your softness as a strength, and give you the space to be yourself. I was recently chatting with a friend who was sharing with me about the book they read called The Good Life by Robert Waldinger, which discusses one of the longest-running studies on happiness, health, and human well-being. Ultimately, the most important thing we have of all is the relationship we have with one another.

The healing power of music. Music calms the nervous system, releases tension, and expands our inner world. For many HSP, we feel the music resonate in our inner world playing on full volume within our hearts. My lovely piano friend recently shared this beautiful piano music with me. It evoked a lot of emotions within and felt like the music understood something within my soul that words can’t explain. I think many of us relate to this feeling. It’s why we listen to music, because it has a magical power of healing something within us.

Art by Jane Fisher
Don’t Forget Your Roots

Growing up we would go to the beach each year on Christmas day. In New Zealand, Christmas is celebrated during the summertime, so instead of spending it in the snow, you spend it in the sand and sea. The holidays remind me of the smell of the ocean, eating fish and chips, reading on the farm and walking in the bush. The saying ‘don’t forget your roots’ makes me think of the Classic Kiwi song Don’t Forget Your Roots by SIX60. The song reminds us to remember where we come from. It’s made me reflect on the importance of embracing my own cultural roots and staying true to myself.

For many Asians growing up in Western countries, fitting in meant minimising aspects of their Asian culture to better assimilate and navigate society. One aspect of this is language. Language connects us to others, helps build relationships, and shapes how we understand the world. It’s natural to speak the dominant language in our environment. However, I often felt like there was something missing. Having a deeper connection with our culture unlocks something within the soul. Learning the language and connecting with others in our mother tongue brings a sense of knowing of oneself, knowing of others and respect and appreciation for one’s culture.

Asians who have grown up in a Western country are often described as a banana (yellow on the outside and white on the inside). When I think about it now there’s a tinge of sadness behind the humour. Because although it’s said as a joke, it implies that we are not ‘Asian enough’ or to put it more bluntly, we’re whitewashed. That terminology can bring feelings of shame. We should embrace our cultural roots no matter which society we live in. When something is perceived as different, it can seem strange to others. However, embracing those differences can help us see that we’re more alike than we are different.

As a child, the sweet aroma of garlic, ginger and spices would waft through the house. The food that my parents cooked is a fond memory. They were and are such wonderful cooks. I can’t help laugh when remembering taking a red bean bun to school, opening my lunch box, and seeing my classmate’s eyes widen with curiosity and slight hesitation due to the smell. How delicious those buns were! Making dumplings, carefully filling and folding them, eating Zongzi (粽子) during Dragon Boat Festival and Tang Yuan (湯圓) during Lantern Festival were warm memories. Food always brought everyone together.

The home was filled with Taiwanese and Chinese culture and only Mandarin was spoken but as soon as I stepped outside, the world was Western. This often left me feeling not Asian enough and not Kiwi enough. It’s difficult to describe this feeling except that it can feel like an identity crisis. The environment we grow up in shapes our thinking and beliefs. Western culture often emphasizes individualism, while Asian culture values collectivism. Sometimes, Eastern and Western ideas conflict, but what is most important is having your own values.

It’s important to recognize that deep trauma can sometimes cause people to distance themselves from their own culture. Sometimes it can even be the seemingly small comments that people make, that one can remember for a lifetime. Sometimes it’s the feeling of rejection that can cut like a knife and cause a lot of pain. Sometimes it’s their own upbringing and sadly there are aspects of every culture where there are beliefs or ways of doing things that aren’t healthy. Everyone’s experiences are different.

When we speak our mother tongue, we open up our world to deeper connections. Reconnecting could be finding aspects of the culture that resonate with you and integrating them into your life that feels meaningful to you. We can reconnect through people, food, festivals, music, film and tv, books and art. When we don’t forget our roots, we have a better understanding of who we are, where we come from and what values shape us. We have a sense of belonging and we expand our world by embracing the richness of our heritage. Remembering our roots also helps us preserve our language, culture and traditions for future generations.

Art by 肚子杜杜
Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy

I recently watched Joika a film based on a true story of Joy Womack, one of the first American woman to graduate from the Bolshoi Ballet. She goes through the gruelling process of extreme competitiveness, intense pressure and the need for mental resilience in the ballet world where perfection is often strived for. Beneath the pressures, and challenges, is a deep passion for dance. Comparison is inevitable in the art world, in most worlds to be fair, but most prevalent in the art world where perception of what is good is often subjective.

Comparing oneself to others or specific situations often leads to immediate dissatisfaction. When we compare with others it can lead to feelings of inadequacy. However, when we compare with ourselves, and focus on making progress within ourselves, it can be true motivator. There are times where the first can motivate us, when we see someone doing well in a certain area it might give us an extra push to go for what we’ve always wanted to. However, constant comparison can lead us astray from our own path. It makes us focus on others rather than ourselves.

Everyone is walking on their own journey in life, and they face their own challenges behind closed doors. We just don’t get to see those parts, because they tend to lie beneath the tip of the iceberg. Things are not always what they appear, and what looks desirable on the surface may have endured many struggles. Comparing yourself to who you were yesterday, admiring qualities in others that you would also like to adopt and practicing gratitude for what you already have helps in recognising that even through the pursuit of change and grow, you’re already enough.

Art by Trent Gudmundsen
Music Is About Ears Not Eyes

In the film Begin Again, Keira Knightley’s character says, “Music is about ears not eyes.” It’s a simple reminder that music is meant to be felt and experienced. Just as we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, we should value music for its story telling. Some of today’s music is incredibly catchy and I enjoy listening to some of them. But sometimes it seems like the music industry is only interested in getting as many people to listen or watch a video, rather than carry something of emotional resonance or share an important message. It makes me appreciate the timelessness of classical music, how it lingers long after the final note.

Recently, I went to listen to La Bohème live at the theatre. It was such an amazing experience sitting there with the audience sharing this collective experience. Despite the beautiful costume and set design, it was the singing that deeply moved me. Sometimes I wonder how we would hear the music as an audience, if each person closed their eyes. Of course, some performances like musicals, ballets, and operas are inherently visual. But so much of today’s mainstream music, though not all, feels like it’s lost some of its depth, relying more on image than substance.

Listening, really listening, is something magical in itself. The silence in music is just as important as the sounds themselves. When we sit in the audience to listen to an orchestra or a band, and really listen, the music touches us all in different ways. It’s such a wonderful way of bringing people together through an experience that everyone can understand. Music is truly a universal language. In the similar experience of art, staring at a Monet piece makes me think of Debussy’s music. When we look at art or listen to music, we feel something. When eyes do matter, it is only through presentation and stage presence. Music asks us to be still, to be present, to listen and above all, to feel.

Water Lilies by Claude Monet (1917)
Five Benefits Of Living With Less

Living with less means creating space for the important aspects of our lives that bring greater value. We are increasingly encouraged to consume more in a tech-saturated environment, where the rise of targeted advertising is driving growth in our spending. The emphasis on needing more things in our lives to feel a sense of satisfaction leaves many of us unfulfilled. When we let go of the need to fit in, we can feel a greater sense of freedom. When we have gratitude for all that we have, we can look around and realise that we don’t need a lot in life to be happy.

Spend time with those you cherish. Friendships are quality over quantity. A person’s worth is not determined by how many people they surround themselves with. Spending time with those that we love means investing in a deeper connection with others. Living with less isn’t contained only to our material possessions but also in the relationships that we have. It means putting up healthy boundaries with people and spending one’s time and energy with the people they love the most.

Save money and time from spending less. How do you spend your time? Perhaps you like learning new things such as a new language or joining a sports team. The more we spend our attention on the hobbies we enjoy, the more we save time on the things we don’t. We can save money from unread magazine subscriptions or unfinished courses. By picking up a few interests to focus on, you can spend your money and time more wisely. We don’t buy unnecessary materials that may take up more space in our homes or have a list of unnecessary tasks that fill up our schedule.

Practice Digital Minimalism. Digital Minimalism is a term popularised by computer scientist and author, Cal Newport, who doesn’t use social media. It describes the philosophy of technology use in which the time spent online is cut down to a small number of carefully selected activities that support things you value, and then you can happily miss out on the rest of the online world. By leaving behind unimportant acts of social media, we reclaim time and we are more mindful of being in the present.

Embrace your own Personal style. The fashion industry seems to move faster than we can keep up, with changing trends and seasons. Personal style, on the other hand, never goes out of style. Are there certain styles or pieces of clothing that you always wear year after year? When we embrace our own personal style, we save time from browsing the never-ending rows of shops and save money from buying clothes that may only be worn a few times.

A minimalist lifestyle can nourish you. The accumulation of stuff and social obligations in our lives can create more added stress. Minimalism gives you more space to live your life and be in charge of your space, schedule and mind. When a home is decluttered, it creates balance and peace in our mind. Living a more simple life means embracing deep connections, purpose in one’s work, and spending time and energy on the people and activities that you love the most.

Art by Marialaura Fedi
Making Friends As An Adult

Friendships have been something I’ve struggled with since I was a child. In kindergarten, I often found it easier to play alone. It felt easier to play with the guinea pigs and rabbits. People seemed unpredictable and, at times, untrustworthy. There was a deep pain in feeling left out, and it can feel safer being alone. It’s the desire to have deep, meaningful connections with people and to feel comfort and ease with who you’re interacting with.

While these feelings started young, there are still moments in adulthood where that fear of rejection, self-doubt, or being misunderstood quietly creeps in. Feeling misunderstood or feeling left out hurts, and can make us feel like there’s something wrong with us, when there never was. But part of growing is learning to stay true to who we are, even in the face of discomfort. It means becoming our own close companion, having an inner confidence that doesn’t rely on constant validation, but on self-respect, patience, and trust in ourselves.

True friendship is having the ability to feel that you can be yourself with no judgment and to feel comfortable in the silence as much as the conversations. As with many things in life, you don’t know until you give it a try. You don’t know if you’ll be good friends with someone unless you give it a chance. It takes time to build relationships. You spend time chatting, asking questions, learning about one another and having shared experiences.

It’s so easy to think of the world but it’s important to look within. Set healthy boundaries, stay true to your own values, be honest with yourself and know what it is that you’re looking for in a friend and the qualities you admire and cherish. Anyone can make dozens of friends and spend much time socialising, but it’s rare to have one truly good friend.

Making friends as an adult can feel especially challenging. Most people already have established social circles, and life gets busier with work, family, and commitments. Everyone has their own schedules and routines. In high school or university, frequent, convenient interactions make friendships easier to form. Whereas in adulthood, friendships require more intention and effort.

It’s important to be content in one’s own company. We spend much of our lives alone. Learning to enjoy that solitude, rather than fear it, can be incredibly freeing. When we feel whole on our own, we’re more likely to attract people who respect and reflect that wholeness. Thinking about friendships, we have to face our own insecurities and be our biggest inner cheerleader, and in turn we can show up and attract more positive friendships.

When we sit with silence, accept our flaws, and focus on our own growth, friendship becomes less about seeking but more about two people being there to support one another. Friendship takes intention, self-awareness, patience and a dash of humour. And while not every connection will last (such is life) each one helps shape how we love and listen. The more we accept ourselves, the more we attract friendships that are loving, supportive and uplifting.

Art by Kate Pugsley
The Courage To Be Disliked

No one is thinking about you, nor are you thinking about them. That’s the magic of it: everyone is focusing on their own lives. I’ve often experienced intense social anxiety, but the reminder that most people are busy preoccupied with themselves is a massive relief. Social anxiety tricks you into believing that people are judging everything you do or say, when in reality, most people aren’t paying much attention. We create the mental chains that hold us back and stop us from living freely and authentically.

The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga is a Japanese book that follows a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man. The philosopher draws concepts from Adlerian psychology and explores how we can live more meaningful lives. Most people have a deep desire to be accepted, validated and liked. The book shows that true freedom and content comes from letting go of the need to be liked. When we crave approval, we act in ways that are socially acceptable rather than authentic. The truth is, some people will like us and some won’t, and that’s not in our control.

Everyone has their own tasks. Everyone is responsible for their own tasks in life. We cannot control or change others, but we can focus on what is within our own power. True change comes from taking ownership of ones own action and mindset. The book shares the serenity prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.“

Everyone is different but equal. Each person has a unique background from their life experiences, culture, upbringing, and personality. This reminded me of something a close friend said to me, that “despite everyone being different, we are more alike than we are different.” At the end of the day, we’re all human, sharing this life, roaming the vast universe together.

The only moment that exists is the present. The only moment we have is right here, right now. You are not bound by your past or defined by what has happened to you. In every moment, you have the ability to choose. We can often restrict our own growth by dwelling on past traumas, upbringing and memories. Adlerian psychology believes that you can change at any moment. Many people avoid change or taking action because they fear how others might react.

People are our comrades, not our enemy. No one is against you except for the voice in your mind that convinces you that they are. There is no need to compare yourself to others, feel envy, or believe you are inferior. When we choose to see the good in others, and approach them with trust, it brings a deeper sense of connection and meaning to our lives. No one is beneath you and no one is above you.

Do not seek recognition. This one was a tricky one to digest, because naturally people are encouraged and motivated by positive feedback and praise. However, if we constantly seek recognition from others, we can’t experience true fulfillment within ourselves. We end up needing validation to fill our cup, when the reality is that we are already worthy just as we are, simply for existing.

Stop caring what other people think. Caring about what others think limits us from living the life we truly want. When we seek validation from others, we lose touch with our true selves. True freedom is letting go of caring about what other people think. Living for approval traps us in anxiety, expectations and inauthenticity. The book reminds us that “You are not living to satisfy other people’s expectations.” When we care too much what others think, it can lead to inaction and self-doubt.

All problems are interpersonal problems. The connections we have with people can bring the greatest joy in our lives. However, they can also be the source of much of our suffering. Even in the moments where we’re alone, our mind is making connections with others. We can resolve this by choosing to trust others, cultivate a sense of belonging within a community, taking responsibility for our own actions, and embracing the courage to be disliked, the courage to change and the courage to be happy.

Art by Kelly Beeman
What Really Matters In Life

As young adults, we spend much of our time working. Money is a tool we need to survive, live comfortably and perhaps set aside for enjoyment or fleeting materialistic pleasures. But sometimes I wonder, what really matters in life? There are moments where I contemplate how superficial our society can be. Society tells us to value money, career, status, image, and materials, while character, education, culture, compassion and stillness often take a back seat.

Spending time in nature. After a day in the hustle and bustle of the city, the blaring sounds of traffic, the crowds of people, and the lingering smell of smoke, retreating into nature feels like the natural thing to do. Listening to birdsong and the wind blowing wildly through the trees brings an instant sense of peace. The kind of peace people often chase through things that ultimately don’t matter.

Spending time with loved ones. The people who make us laugh, who we can be unfiltered and weird are good for the soul. These close relationships offer a kind of freedom that can’t be replicated. Notice that warm, positive and loving feeling when you spend time with a good friend or family member. In the end, it’s the connection we have with others and ourselves that give life its deepest meaning.

The little joys in life. Listening to a song that makes us feel like dancing, sipping a cup of tea while reading or going for a walk in the sun have the power to shift our whole day. A baby’s laughter, a funny conversation or a moment of people watching can suddenly make everything feel a little brighter and lighter.

Having a healthy body and mind. Without our health, even the simplest things become difficult. Think of the last time you had a flu, and how hard it was to just get out of bed. Our body, mind, and spirit are so precious, and it’s worth remembering how blessed we are when we are well. Health is something we should never take for granted.

Good character and lifelong learning. Nobody is perfect, no matter what it seems. We can never judge a book by its cover just as we never truly know someone’s story from looking at the surface. Striving to build good character and nurturing a curious, active mind through lifelong learning is important for our personal growth and inner fulfillment.

Practicing gratitude and compassion. It’s easy to fall into the trap of complaining, but there’s freedom in practicing gratitude. When we focus on what we have rather than what we lack, we begin to notice the abundance already present in our lives. Gratitude opens the door to compassion for ourselves and for others.

Inner peace. We often try to present ourselves as normal, even when life feels turbulent beneath the surface. But true peace comes when our inner world is calm — like the ocean after a storm. When we cultivate that stillness within, we’re better able to face whatever’s happening around us.

The things that bring true joy are often simple: spending time with loved ones, feeling completely at peace, being fully present, and enjoying the little things. Nothing in this world is permanent. So remember what truly matters, what sparks something in your heart and embrace those quiet, fleeting moments. We’re all just here for the ride.

Art by Liekeland
A Love Letter To Wellington

When the plane starts shaking in the windy skies you know you’ve arrived in Wellington. As you peek outside the window, the vast ocean meets the harbour and there are numerous tiny houses dotted on the hills. It feels like you’re looking at a small town rather than the capital city of New Zealand. When you step outside the air meets you with a cold refreshing hug. Behind you is a mountain, you turn a corner on to the quiet street, you pass some funky houses with circular windows and the big moon sits brightly in the sky.

It’s an incredibly compact and pedestrian friendly city where you can walk around easily. The wonderful thing is not having to drive. It’s easy to get around as you can take the bus to the next suburb or into town and the airport is close by. The pace of life is much slower and relaxed and people walk more slowly. There’s no need to rush unless you’re late for an appointment. Somehow when the sky is blue and the sun is out all of Wellington comes out. It’s a place close to the ocean, parks and mountains.

As the windiest city in the world, you learn to tie up your hair and avoid wearing skirts most of the time. Many households will have a blunt umbrella and a sturdy wind and rain proof jacket to brave the elements. The weather is one of the things you learn to (sort of) get used to over time. In the beginning it can be difficult and you feel as if the wind is going straight through your bones. You can feel the house shaking on the windiest days yet there’s a particularly comforting feeling of being indoors on a rainy and windy day in Wellington.

In the morning, the birds are singing outside on the roof and trees. One of the best sounds is listening to the Tui sing in the morning. They have such a beautiful song. During spring the flowers appear and you can see all the beautiful colours in the neighbourhood. You can smell the roses and see the sunflowers saying hello to the sun. When it’s not a grey, overcast, rainy and windy day there are days of blue skies and everything seems to come alive.

Cars are generally friendly and polite particularly when I think about how in some countries pedestrians have no right of way and you have to make sure you stay alive and not get hit by a car. The neighbourhood cats are sweet and some are quite talkative. They will lie on their back showing off their stomach waiting for you to give them a cuddle. Don’t always fall for it though because their claws might come out!

You can enjoy the little things in life like sitting at a cafe reading, listening to music, going for long walks and people watching. Listening to buskers playing music in the distance or watching tourists amusingly stare at the tree man playing the saxophone. Sitting at the waterfront, enjoying a delicious ice cream while avoiding eye contact with the seagulls. You watch the ocean and the world around you.

Art by Kirsten Sims
The Joy Of Being At Home

The grey clouds blanketed the sky and I could feel the rain dripping on my head and the immense relief of arriving home. A flash of lightening filled the room and the thunder roared loudly outside. There’s a sense of security and comfort being at home. Home can mean so many different things to different people. There’s our physical home where we have shelter and warmth, the home within us where no matter where we are we feel a sense of peace and there’s the feeling of home that we might find in another person or place.

Physical home. Have you ever travelled somewhere and come back home and feel at ease with all the familiarity? There’s this warm feeling of being back home. Home is where you can put your legs up on the couch, have a cup of tea, watch a movie and be your complete self. It’s the space where you can relax, enjoy your hobbies, take a warm shower, sleep and rest, cook a delicious meal, sing and dance, watch the world go by outside and enjoy the small, simple moments.

Home within. No matter where you may be in the world, home is the inner peace within. It’s the feeling of being present within your body and soul, the feeling of being safe and connected and the feeling of being comfortable in your own skin. Feeling home within is living aligned to your values, being your true self in the world and seeing the hope, love and light within yourself and other people.

Feeling at home. We can feel home within another person or in a certain place. Home can be found in someone we love dearly or it can be found somewhere that holds a special place in our heart. Home can also be found in a song, a book, a smell or a meal we grew up eating. For example, in the film Ratatouille, Anton Ego eats a Ratatouille dish and has a flashback to his childhood of when he fell over on his bike. His mother made him a delicious Ratatouille dish to comfort him.

What does home mean to you?

Art by Yelena Bryksenkova